26 and Life is Passing Me By

My 27th birthday is getting closer and closer and I probably look forward to this birthday the least of any. I guess that's natural. I'm at the point in my life when I have started to notice myself aging. That sucks. The birthdays also suck because each one that passes reminds me of all things I wanted to do that I haven't. The twenties are a tough decade for that reason, I think. Finally an adult, but it doesn't live up to the hype or the expectation.

By this point in time, I thought I would have two kids. I've got none. Some of the reason for that is personal choice. We wound up waiting longer to start trying than I thought we would. We had to sort out health insurance and finances and we wanted to go back to Disney World. That was fun. But if we had gotten pregnant the first time we tried, we would be in a good place to start trying for a second one now. That sucks to think about.

Since we have spent the last two years trying, I feel like we have missed a lot of opportunities. We feel like we can't book vacations, because what if I get pregnant and I can't fly? Or ride rollercoasters? Now it's because of all the doctor's appointments, too, as we seek treatment for the issue. I feel hesitant to take time off of work even to visit my family.

I hate that we don't have a baby. I live with that pain each day. But I also hate that I can't do something fun to take my mind off of it. This is a little melodramatic, but it's not something I really anticipated when embarking on this trying to conceive thing. I expected that I might not get pregnant right away. I figured it would be disappointing when a cycle passed without a positive test result. I even wondered if I might have fertility problems down the line due to some family history. But I didn't think about how all of that would prevent me from living and enjoying my life in between.