Regrets of a 26 Year Old Woman

Lately, I've been feeling a lot of regret, the sense that I didn't live up to my full potential. Being in my mid-to-late twenties has so far been a pretty unpleasant experience. The disappointments of not being where I wanted to be at this point in my life oppress me constantly. I thought I would be living somewhere else, I thought I would have a career, I thought I would have at least two kids. I'm not unhappy with my job or where I live, but it's not what I imagined. And if you have read some of my other posts, you'll know my feelings on being childless. But those things aren't what have filled me with regret recently. I've come to accept those things as reality, that at least some of those things have worked out in my best interest. No, what I regret is something else entirely.

I'm five feet and nine inches tall. Broad shouldered. I have a decent wing-span. But all of my natural gifting has not contributed to my physical acumen in the least. I'm unfit, flabby, uncoordinated, weak. I know for a fact that, despite my proportions, I don't have much in the way of athletic talent. I've always been pretty bad with hand-eye coordination. I've got really weak ankles too that, even when I get on a hot streak in some casual sporting match, buckle eventually, resulting in injury, discomfort, or just plain embarrassment. Nevertheless, I feel like I could have made something of my height and build. But I never did anything sporty. I played basketball in elementary school, but I never put in any real effort. The only things I was decent at were blocking and getting rebounds. And even that was iffy. I also did gymnastics for about a year before I quit. I could have tried harder in either sport. But I didn't.

I don't really think that basketball or gymnastics were the sports that would have tapped into my potential the most, though. That would probably be swimming. I never learned to swim properly, I just figured it out as a kid without any real instruction. As a result, my form is terrible, and I'm not really that fast. (I can beat most of my friends in a race, but they never swam competitively either, so that's not saying much). Even though I never got any training to improve my swimming, and even though I have never competed in the sport, I love it. It's pretty much the only exercise that doesn't make me miserable. I always have felt that way, even in middle school. I regret that I didn't pursue that. I don't think my weak ankles would have been that much of a barrier.

I have more discipline for exercising now that I have ever had in my life before. That's why the regret hurts so much these days. If I had found this determination fifteen years ago, or even ten years ago, maybe I would be much more fit, less flabby, more coordinated, stronger. But instead, every exercise feels like an uphill battle.

Is it too late for me, a twenty six year old woman, to tap my potential? To have the strength I want to have? I honestly don't know. I'm trying to build my strength with body weight exercises. I'm trying to build my stamina on the stationary bike and swimming at the city pool. But how much farther can my body take me at this point? I hope in another ten or fifteen years, I'll look back at the investments I made in my physical fitness as a twenty six year old woman, and be proud.