What Even is a Healthy Coping Mechanism?

Everybody has problems. Some people have more problems than others. Some people have bigger problems. But everyone has them. And sometimes there's nothing you can do about it. We all have limited control over our life circumstances. Motivational speakers and rich YouTube personalities try to tell you that you have the ability to change your own life. To a certain extent, that's true. But it's also true that some people have more privileges and opportunities and some people have things in their life that hold them back. But we all have problems.

So what do we do when we have problems that we cannot solve on our own? We get help, we seek advice, and we deal with it. Sometimes we deal with our problems in healthy ways, most of the time, we probably don't. I know that I have spent a lot of time in the past sleeping my days away, refusing to get out of bed, because I felt too depressed to do anything else. That's not healthy. A lot of people use drugs or alcohol. Some people turn to sex. Some people stop eating altogether. All of these things can give you temporary relief from the pains of life. Maybe it's numbness; maybe it's pleasure; maybe it's a sense of control. But all of these feelings are fleeting. At the end of the day, you still have your problem and it's not going away. And now you have the added problems caused by your terrible coping mechanism(s).

Okay, so what can you do to actually make yourself feel better without causing yourself harm long-term? To be honest, I do not know. I think, unfortunately, almost any healthy coping mechanism can become unhealthy over time.

I've mentioned before a desire to exercise, eat less, and lose weight. This is, generally, considered to be a healthy goal. But these things can quickly become obsessions. And suddenly it's no longer about getting healthy, it's about squeezing every last pound out of your body that you can. Because you're worthless if you don't. I'm still not sure if I've found a good balance with this.

Recently, and I know it sounds stupid, trying new TV shows has given me something to look forward to. I know a lot of people just re-watch the same things over and over again because it brings comfort. There are no surprises--it's something familiar in a world of change. But, to be honest, I think vegging out in front of the TV, watching something that you've seen a million times and don't even have to think about, can be problematic. It's a way to numb yourself and disengage. It's not something new or exciting. It doesn't challenge you. But, I've found, obsessing over a new show can be just as detrimental. Basically, you enter this binge-watching frenzy and all you can do is fire up Netflix or Crunchyroll and the new show quickly becomes all you can think about. It's good to engage with stories. I think it's a good mental exercise to consider new characters, themes, motifs, plots, etc. But these things can quickly overwhelm your life and occupy too much of your brain space. I know that has happened to me, so I am trying to move on.

New hobbies can be reinvigorating. I tried to pick up skateboarding to remind myself that I'm still young and can learn new things. I had a lot of fun with it but it is too darn hot in Texas to spend more than about five minutes at a time outside. I'm hoping I can try again in the fall when the weather cools off a bit.

Of course, there's always the old hobbies. For me, I've always had art. But drawing can become discouraging too. In the online world, it's way too easy to compare yourself to others. I see sixteen year old artists who can create these amazingly detailed digital renderings, with a real grasp of human anatomy or lighting, and I think to myself... Why do I still suck this much? It's not like you can avoid looking at other people's work. Because, if you do that then you'll never truly improve. We have to learn from each other. But it's hard to maintain a positive attitude while doing so.

Anyway, that's my rant about trying to find healthy ways to cope with my problems. I think that right now, even though I'm in many ways more depressed than ever, I've found things to keep me going. For now, they are helpful. For now, I feel like I have purpose and hope and things that I can look forward to. Certain things still bring me joy. And of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the importance of prayer and encouragement from other Christians. I know if it weren't for those things, I wouldn't even have the strength to try.